{"id":735,"date":"2013-07-24T14:50:40","date_gmt":"2013-07-24T14:50:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/agnowgeneration.wordpress.com\/?p=176"},"modified":"2018-04-16T07:12:42","modified_gmt":"2018-04-16T07:12:42","slug":"perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/arielgate.com\/html\/archives\/735","title":{"rendered":"Perfectionism…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"perfectionism\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I saw this article this morning and I thought it was really excellent… and rather convicting. This one is for \u00a0all of us over-achievers!<\/p>\n

One ordinary night while folding laundry with my husband, the man I call “Studhub”\u00a0stopped folding a t-shirt long enough to look at me and say, \u201cChrista, perfectionism is the fruit of performance, but excellence is the fruit of resting in love. \u00a0Both produce results, but there\u2019s a difference in how you get there, babe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why would that be our topic of conversation while folding laundry, you ask? \u00a0Could it possibly have something to do with the fact that I always sighed with annoyance while refolding his pile of t-shirts to make sure they met my standard? \u00a0Could it be because I always followed behind him in the bathroom after he\u2019d cleaned, finding specs and particles to complain that he\u2019d missed? \u00a0Could it be because this backseat driver always knew a faster way to get there, was the expert on anything I could Google, and always had a better solution to every problem we faced? \u00a0Oh, and let\u2019s not forget, I never found it necessary to hide my frustration when he disagreed with me. \u00a0Or when I didn\u2019t get my way.<\/p>\n

You see, this girl valued being right over having relationship. \u00a0She valued perfection over effort. \u00a0And unfortunately at some point, this means your relationships will begin to crumble under the weight of your unattainable standard.<\/p>\n

My first memory of life outside of the home was sexual. \u00a0Not a great start, I might add. \u00a0So instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a beautiful little girl cherished by her mom and dad with endless roads of life ahead of her, all I could see was a dirty, shameful, unlovable blob of matter.<\/p>\n

I longed for love that I never felt worthy of possessing. \u00a0I craved affection that I didn\u2019t believe I deserved, even though I was privy to a family whose adoration never ceased. \u00a0So as a little girl learning the ropes of life, I did what any girl in my position would do. \u00a0I behaved according to what I believed.<\/p>\n

I tried to earn love.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Enter, the performer. \u00a0I was first chair in orchestra, straight-A student, best athlete, president of this and chaplain of that. \u00a0The list of awards, achievements, and applause roaring in the background of my latest triumph couldn\u2019t die down or I\u2019d have to hear the inner demons screaming about how awful I really was. \u00a0And because my self-worth was tied to my performance, you better believe it had to be perfect. \u00a0We\u2019re talking whip-cracking, jaw-smacking, heads-are-gonna-roll if it\u2019s not perfect, perfect.<\/p>\n

Now, enter Jesus. \u00a0Being a preacher\u2019s kid and getting saved on the trampoline at age three meant that not only was I familiar with the majority of popular Scriptures, but I also had to memorize them in Bible Bowl. \u00a0I knew the truth backwards and forwards, but I didn\u2019t believe it. \u00a0\u00a0I knew, in my head, that nothing could separate me from the love of God, that His love was unconditional, and that there was no condemnation for me, but I didn\u2019t believe it in my heart. \u00a0In fact, I believed the exact opposite to be true. \u00a0I believed I was only lovable unless:<\/p>\n

Unless I looked perfect.
\nUnless I was sinless
\nUnless my ministry was perfect.
\nUnless I acted perfect.
\nUnless my message was perfect.
\nUnless my worship set was perfect.
\nUnless I was the first, the best, the winner, the leader.<\/p>\n

Now, back to Studhub\u00a0and his infinite wisdom while folding laundry. \u00a0If perfectionism is the fruit of performance, then I definitely had a tree full of perfect, spotless, beautiful fruit. \u00a0My tree was always productive, abundant, and successful by the world\u2019s standards, but unfortunately, it was still bad fruit. \u00a0Why?<\/p>\n

Because I always sacrificed relationship to produce it.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve grown as a leader, I finally realize that trying to be the best and come up with a perfect product at the expense of relationship means I\u2019m not really a leader. \u00a0It just means I\u2019m selfish. \u00a0The more I value production and outcome over the people\u2019s hearts that are helping me get there, the more I\u2019ve missed the point of the Gospel message. \u00a0These days, people are more important than a result. \u00a0The hearts of those I\u2019m in relationship with are the goal. \u00a0My leadership eye is focusing first on the individuals God has placed within arms’ reach\u2014my husband, my son, the barista who messes up my drink at Starbucks, the girl in my signing line after a concert or event, the employee who needs a little extra grace while learning the ropes of a new job. \u00a0And in the process of focusing on hearts over an outcome, something supernatural happens. \u00a0\u00a0Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are cultivated inside the soil of my heart\u00a0and begin to grow inside of the relationships of the people I lead.<\/p>\n

Just imagine the beautiful, productive, excellent, abundant fruit that grows from a heart that is full of the fruit of the Spirit. \u00a0There\u2019s nothing natural about it. \u00a0It\u2019s miraculous in nature, eternal, and brings life to anyone who sinks their teeth in to take a bite.<\/p>\n

Believe me, when you lead by offering a daily meal of relationship, love, grace, and joy over the tasking hamster-wheel of perfectionism and production, people will lay down their lives to be a part of what you’re doing. \u00a0And in relationship, they\u2019ll follow you anywhere.<\/p>\n

Christa Black is an author, speaker, and songwriter. Her book\u00a0God Loves Ugly chronicles her personal journey out of destructive cycles into a life of freedom.\u00a0Her song One Thing Remains has gone number one on Billboard Christian charts in both 2012 and in 2013.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I saw this article this morning and I thought it was really excellent… and rather convicting. This one is for \u00a0all of us over-achievers! One ordinary night while folding laundry […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-735","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-now-generation","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"yoast_head":"\nPerfectionism... - House of Ariel Gate<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/arielgate.com\/html\/archives\/735\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Perfectionism... - House of Ariel Gate\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I saw this article this morning and I thought it was really excellent… and rather convicting. 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